Wednesday, March 9, 2011

A lot has changed

So, in case you haven't heard. Our world was turned upside-down on September 8th, 2010.
My biological father Rob contacted me on August 28th. He was from Clearwater, Florida. My parents had separated when I was 6 months old. After the divorce was final, My mother re-married her 1st husband (my older brother's father) Ronald, and they had my sister Calyn. Sounds completely normal, Right???
I am a middle child with a different father than my older brother and younger sister. This is something that I have spent the majority of my life feeling horrible about. My mom and Big Ronnie (the father that raised me) were absolutely wonderful to me. I didn't find out that Rob was my father until I was 15 yrs old and Rob's son, Bryan (age 25 at the time, my half brother) paid me a visit to a public pool to inform me he was my brother. Obviously, as a teenager I was mortified! I chose to not meet Rob at this time. I had a mother and a father and I didn't feel any need to meet a stranger at that time in my life. Over the years, we had minimal contact. Age 18 he came into my work to give me my birth certificate, Age 25 I called him on the phone (after being persuaded by my husband Shane). The phone conversation was very ackward. He explained to me that he had a heart condition, and "didn't think he could handle talking to me". That was the last I heard from him until this August, 10 years later.
I chose to meet him Sunday August 29th. The lunch again, was very ackward. I was able to tell him how I feel and he was able to open up to me about his life. We parted with a hug and an "I'm Sorry". I texted him when I got home saying, "I am sorry lunch didn't go well, I feel it is only right to forgive you, but it is going to take time, maybe next time you are in town you can meet the girls". We agreed to email and text, he gave me his niece's and best friend's phone numbers to get to know about him a little better. The next 10 days, I had conversations with both, learned of his life. Rob offered to "co-invest in you and your daughters' future" by paying off my student loans. For this I was very appreciative and was able to thank him over the phone. I said, "you don't know how much this means to us, and how much this is going to help us".
The next night, I recieved a phone call from his best friend stating that Rob had passed away. He was surrounded by friends showing them some pictures of my family and me and the girls that I had emailed him. He had layed down between two cars, palms up and appeared very peaceful. My contact information was written on a tiny piece of paper in his shirt pocket.
I have not been myself since this happened. I was able to find the peace and forgiveness that I never thought I would. But I have so many un-answered questions. I wish he was able to leave me some guidance, or instruction. He was a very hard-worker almost to a fault. He was not good a relationships. His family has been very helpful and understanding of our relationship, for them I am grateful!
I will write more, I just felt I needed to get this off of my chest. I have been so afraid of writing or saying something I shouldn't. I am not ashamed of my past, my life or my parents. I feel very blessed!

1 comment:

Michelle said...

you are an awesome person. We all love you and are grateful you are in are lives!

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